I can’t believe it. I genuinely cannot believe it. I’ve finished my degree, I’ve had all my results back and i’ve done better than I ever believed possible. Completing this degree in itself was enough of a victory for me, I did not think it was going to happen. At so many points over the past three years i’ve thought I couldn’t do it but, I’ve overcome it every single time and I have done it.
Going to university away from home for me was a huge risk. Anybody that knew me before uni knows how much of a home girl I was, I wasn’t adventurous, I didn’t really know who I was, what I wanted or where I belonged. My first semester at uni was hell. I hated the vast majority of it and spent most of my time searching for jobs back at home that would allow me to sustain myself and get out of uni. I’d even contacted other universities closer to home about the possibility of transferring, none of which seemed possible. Now, with hindsight and Jesus in my life, I can recognise why these options were blocked for me, why I couldn’t walk through these doors. I was at uni because I had a goal, I had a plan…. all career oriented of course because what else would you focus on in life? Age 16 I had a 6 year plan that would result in me having a full time teaching position at the end of it. Well, by year two this had been extended to a 7 year plan, this did not go down well. I can tell you that I am now 7 years down the line and nothing has gone to plan, or at least to my plan. It has not been easy laying down hopes and dreams for the meantime however, it was rather evident that this is what I was being asked to do. I sit writing this the day before starting my new job. My new job that is going to see me remaining in Derby for at least another year (This still baffles me). Now, if you had told me that three years ago I would have laughed in your face and said you didn’t know me, part of me still wants me to do this.
My career path isn’t the only thing to have changed. In fact, this experience has enabled me to grow into the person I was always supposed to be. I’m finding my feet in my true identity and learning what it looks like to be loved in a whole new way. Being part of a truthful, honest, encouraging community and engaging in challenging adventures i’d never even imagined. My heart has been opened to people groups I had never knowingly crossed before. I have learnt that it’s okay to have boundaries, it’s okay to say no and that we are not made to please other people all of the time. There are genuinely far too many thank yous owed to the people in my life now and those who have played a part in getting me to where I am today. Each of our interactions and experiences has had an impact on who I am now.
It’s been a bumpy ride with those mountain top highs and valley lows. I’ve been to rock bottom and back. I’ve learnt more valuable lessons than those my degree taught me. I found some of the most amazing people to walk beside me. Jesus found me.
For once, I’m not sure wholly what this next stage of my life is going to look like, i’m learning how to navigate that. I have a job, and I have a new home and I’m sure that with these footholds brings new challenges, new adventures and new friends. I know that it involves God and that’s the only stronghold I need.
One thing is for certain. I’m ready for this new chapter to begin.
Bring it on.