An open letter to a friend who once was.

Dear Friend,

You’re not really a part of my life any more but, that’s okay. You taught me how to laugh, you taught me how to rebel against what I thought I should do rather than what I wanted to do, to take risks. You taught me how to be young when so much of my life was asking me to do otherwise. You taught me that binge eating biscuits on occasion was okay and you taught me that I could do so much more than I thought I ever could.

I used to be angry, bitter, even hateful. Not any more, at least not for the most part. I will never understand what you did or why you did it but, I hope you realise now that it was wrong and it hurt, not just because it was me but because you should never had uttered the words you did to any human being let alone someone you were calling your friend. Your words wounded me and those wounds have left scars. Scars that have taken far too long to become even bearable to discuss.

Every now and again I bump into you, a shadow of our past hangs in the air as something we do not really even acknowledge existed. I think about you all the time, what we’d be doing, how we’d be, where we’d be,  all the milestones we missed growing up but, I understand that we have both walked very different paths and that you’re very intelligent and are going to go far in life. We always knew this, you were always five steps ahead of me, now we can see it playing out and nothing has changed. You’re incredible.

There are days when I still miss you, long for the adventures, the tree climbing, the sleepovers, the risk taking and the super random things we seemed to become entangled within. I don’t blame you for making the decisions you did, I just don’t understand why you took the approach you did, but it happened and we’re probably both very different people for it.  I hope you’ve learnt from it and recognise what you did was hurtful. We went through so much together and it all ended so fast. I’ll always be grateful for the memories I have and and I hope that one day they are not tinged with quite so much sadness. I hope that you still remember the fun we had and trials we faced together because they make part of me who I am today.

Most of all, I hope that you are doing well. That you’re still full of the same energy and zest for life that you inspired me with and that you’re working towards achieving every thing you ever dreamed of.

Thank you for everything we shared together,

Lots of love,
Emma