The Disney illusion

This time last week I was skipping around Disneyland Paris struggling to make decisions such as, what flavour ice cream to have next or whether I should have marshmallows in my hot chocolate. It was a hard life.

We jumped on the Eurostar on Friday morning and before i’d even had the chance to blink we were pulling in to Disneyland’s very own train station. You could feel the excitement emanating around the carriage. Mum and I sat back, drank a glass of wine and discussed all of the exciting things we’d get to do in the next few days. You could see the tension fall out of my mum’s shoulders, the excitement fill my brothers eyes as he had been torn away from his beloved Xbox and the relief of a few days off work for my stepdad. For me, it meant 4 whole days away from my current reality…. the timing was perfect for my mind. Not so much with the practicalities of the job hunt but everything else.

Once we’d sorted the logistics of dumping our bags at the beautiful hotel, which was like a dream come true I hasten to add, it was situated in the midst of a forest, and even the hotel was artificially made to smell like a forest…. LIVING THE DREAM! We headed to the Disney parks, we walked through the gates and it felt like we were transferred to a different world, well I guess we were…. Disneyland! There was total JOY everywhere.

If a child fell and banged their knee, they may have cried momentarily only to be almost instantly distracted by the face of their favourite character or the prospect of yet another chocolate filled crepe. My brother and I physically skipped from A to B and by the end of the first day my brother was actually asking to skip with me. Do you know how long its been since he has asked to do something like that? It was quite overwhelming! Although we spent hours queuing for rides or attractions, we got to huddle like penguins in the freezing cold, hum to our favourite tunes and talk about our life,  play silly games and enjoy being total children whilst waiting. It was absolutely fantastic. Even the adults were filled with this sense of joy, happiness and excitement . I thought, if only they would bring that with them into their every day life because IT IS POSSIBLE. You can find that level of joy in real life… without the Disney stuff.

It was such a special time for me to spend with my family, my brother in particular as he was like a different child. In fact, it was just that, he was like a child!! He wasn’t trying to keep up appearances on his Xbox front or look cool in front of his friends because they were nowhere to be seen. I ate a lot of cheese, pudding and drank a lot of really good beer which was good and I got to scream out my current frustrations on the rollercoasters in a socially acceptable environment. Also very good, I highly recommend it, if you can get to your local theme park! I returned to life feeling a little calmer, more refreshed and ready to start again.

It wasn’t until I was driving back early Tuesday morning from Norfolk to Derby to get to work that I received a message simply asking ‘How’s the job hunt going?’ and I realised that I was back in reality…. but then I reminded myself that I choose my reality, and if I can find joy in a make believe land why can’t I choose to find that in my own life? It might not be as easy but it’s a choice and I’m choosing to, I might get it wrong and I might mess up but i’ve got nothing to loose so…

Here goes.

 

3.5 days still.

At the end of last week, I fell ill with some weird virus. It completely knocked me off my feet. It woke me violently in the early hours of Saturday morning with pangs of pain, a high temperature and lethargy in amongst other symptoms. I brushed it off, took some tablets and tried to go back to sleep; after all you always feel better in the morning right?

This was not the case. I did not feel better and this went on for another three days. If you know me well, you’ll know that i’m not very good at all at being poorly, I need to be up, about and busy and this just was not possible. So, I had to stay in bed and I slept for pretty much two days straight, something unheard of for me.

Whilst being poorly and being stuck in bed, I had a lot of time to think about things and I assure you this was not out of choice. This led me to several realisations, they’re not life changing, breakthrough or award worthy but just little reminders that I needed at the time, and perhaps you might too.

1.) Nobody is indispensable:- Whilst ill, I could not go about my daily routine; did this mean the world stopped turning? Did this mean that everybody else’s lives came to a standstill? Was my position at work subject to me being there or could they get somebody else to do it? Could I really expect to continue living life at 5,000mph and expect my body to be able to keep up forever? The answer to these question was obvious, of course not, so the idea is to look after yourself, take things at a sensible pace of life and enjoy it along the way.

2.) People care more than you think:- It amazed me how many people actually dropped me a text message or called me to check in and see if I was okay. I missed a big community event over the weekend, which I was very sad about however, so many of the people there had made the effort to check that I was okay, or since being back on my feet have asked me where i’ve been because they’ve missed me. That really struck a chord with me. Similarly, whilst being stuck in bed the love and compassion people showed in actually physically caring for me, bringing me fresh drinks, tablets, propping my pillows, making the effort to listen to my whinging, wipe my tears and reminding me that ‘this too shall pass’ in the midst of my frustration. I thank each of you for showing me compassion when I was least expecting it.

3.) Your mind and body are linked more than you think:- If we don’t look after our minds, our body is soon going to pay the price. If we don’t look after our body, our minds soon pay the price. It’s easy to forget this when we’re in the middle of the hustle and bustle of every day life but it’s so important in keeping healthy. Mind and body matters! Similarly, if we’ve had a hard week emotionally, we need to take action in slowing down physically ensuring we’re taking time to process and regain our equilibrium. Similarly, if it’s been a physically busy, heavy week we need to ensure our mind is balanced, slowed down and cared for too.

4.) Appreciate your health and wellbeing:- We take our health for granted. When we’re well we don’t stop to think, ‘Yes, i’m super blessed to be well today’ even if that means not having a cold or a sniffy nose. We definitely should and is something I have started doing since being back on my feet. Just a simple appreciation that I got out of bed, I am feeling well, I can go to work today and I can do all that I need to do. It put things into perspective, how much more often we are well than we are not.

5.) Patience is tough:- When your health is out of your control and you’re already doing the self care stuff recommended for this type of illness it’s hard to be patient. Turns out i’m not patient but I need to be and we need to listen to our body when it’s telling us it’s not well. This was a very steep learning curve for me as I tried to struggle into work whilst still feeling slightly under the weather to only be sent home a few hours later.

This isn’t all I learnt whilst being under the weather however, it is a small insight into what I came to realise. Now as i’m feeling much better, i’m trying to go into each day being grateful for many things and acknowledging all that I have learnt and been blessed with.

Remember what matters in life, who matters in life and don’t forget to check in with reality.

 

What finishing uni really feels like

So you hand in your dissertation. That’s it. You’re done. What now?

You a month left on the tenancy of your house. Your family live somewhere else. All your friends are in your university city and most likely living in the same house as you. Some are returning to their families, some are staying put. What do you do? Where is your life now? This is the reality for most ‘away from home’ graduates.

Nobody prepares you for the moment you realise you could be leaving everything you have known for the past three years behind. Nor for the fact that your university home might well become your home post uni. That’s the decision I made. I could not leave behind everything I’d spent the past three years building, everything I had grown to love so much. So now Derby is my home. But nobody could have told me this was the case three years ago as I was kicking and screaming to go back to my family. Nor would I have ever considered this as an option.

What about your job? Having a degree will make you so much more employable. Right? Well, for now a large chunk of my graduate friends are still unemployed. Maybe you could just do a masters, after all you don’t know what else to do? This is the case for another chunk of people. It’s more viable than finding a job in their sector of work and postgraduate loans are now accessible, what’s not to like?  I am not in either of these positions. I fell into a role working with refugees and asylum seekers, a dream come true really but, this is not the case for most people and it’s not currently a permanent role (an area of great anxiety for me).

Within work? Nobody prepares you for that almost instant shift to ‘adult mode’ where you’ve gone from student, young person still relying on discounted clothes and the reduced section in Asda to expected to have it together for a job and responsibilities you’ve never had before. For me, being given a set of keys and security code for the entire building where I now work was a responsibility I was not prepared for. My colleagues laughed at me as I shirked away from the bunch of keys that were being held in front of me. I have lots of criteria to meet for this project I’m co-ordinating and if I don’t meet them that’s the project ended. The funding gets cut and it ends. That’s one hell of a responsibility to be sat on my shoulders considering the amount of positive change this project is causing.

How about your work/life balance? Didn’t really have to worry about that before. What about getting home from a long day and just not wanting to go for dinner or a pint but instead climbing into your pyjamas and getting a good night sleep. How do you deal with the questions of appearing anti-social and like you’ve adopted a changed lifestyle? Change has the potential to make or break many things, friendships being one of them. But, nobody prepares you for this.

What about your friends? Where are they? Did they stay in your uni city or somewhere else? Were you living with them for three years and now you’re having to adjust to life without them? Nobody warned you about the emotions, change in routine or the little things you had come to take advantage of. Things like having to arrange to meet your friends for coffee rather than rendezvousing in the kitchen every half hour or diving on in to their room for a hug if you’re feeling a bit rubbish. This has been a big change for me. Nobody warns you that half of your friends will disperse across the country and even some across the globe, just like that they’ve gone from being an integral part of your life to relatively inaccessible on a daily basis.

Does anyone ever really feel like an adult? Does anybody ever really prepare you for the realities of life? Can you be prepared? You get my point. There are a great deal of ‘what ifs’, unexpected surprises and shocks in store for those who are coming to the end of their degree and graduating. It’s such a tough, transitionary period of life where there is not enough support provided. It’s a scary, exciting time but if people don’t know what to do with these emotions or in this stage of their life., it can rapidly spiral out of control.

What do you think? Disagree with me? Have you graduated? How did you find the transition period?